I love the opening line of F Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby: “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, he told me, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
Breathe easy, the English graduate in me isn’t about to embark on an analysis of this brilliant piece of 20th century literature. Instead, with Father’s Day coming up next weekend in 40 countries, I’m going to talk about fathers and the advice they give us that sticks with us. A number of leaders in the sports industry have also been kind enough to give their time to share what they learnt from their dads and how it has shaped them and their choices today.
Sometimes we don’t have our dads for as long as we’d like and yet the mark they leave on us is still indelible:
“I lost my father 32 years ago when I was 15. He was my hero. He taught me the value of hard work, honesty and discipline. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. He was my first inspiration. He was an officer in the Indian army and I knew from the age of five that all I wanted to do was follow in his footsteps and that’s why I started my career in the army. He was the kindest and most generous man I knew. The values that hold me in good stead and shaped my career are integrity, discipline, honesty and hard work. Also to own up to your mistakes and always be a team player, and these I learnt from my father.”
Dhiraj Malhotra, Chief Executive Officer, Delhi Capitals, Indian Premier League
I’m not a parent, but I know that if I were, I’d be missing a lot of answers and doing my best to learn as I go, making mistakes left, right and centre.
Yet when I was five years old, my dad was younger than I am today, and I remember not thinking, but knowing, that he was an all-powerful, all-knowing protector. If I asked a question and he didn’t know the answer, it was clearly because there was no answer.
I’ve written in the past about having overwhelming imposter syndrome. Knowing I’m not alone because colleagues and mentors share similar feelings is one antidote. The other is remembering the guidance of my father as a role model I consciously and unconsciously emulate. We mirror the behaviours we see in our fathers – of bravery, of wisdom and in challenging new frontiers as they help us forge the inner strength that we then take on our own journey:
“Growing up, my father took me on annual canoe trips in the forests of Quebec. We would paddle and camp for three days, exploring the Canadian wilderness in solitude. These trips were instrumental in defining how I lead my life today. They imparted a sense of adventure, an appreciation for the environment, and the importance of time with family. My father gave my sons paddles for Christmas this year to ensure we continue the canoeing tradition and pass along these ideas to my boys.”
Jamie Reigle, Chief Executive Officer, Formula E
Powerful childhood memories and the symbols that remind us of them last forever. Even now, there’s a small part of me that wonders if my dad himself is as immortal as those moments. As an only child, I’ve asked him before (only partly in jest) what I’ll do if I end up an old lady on my own with a cat (there are worse things – I love cats).
His stock response is, “I can’t even think about you being 90 or 100, kid, by then I’ll be in my 120s!” That response pretty much sums up my dad: light-hearted, relaxed even in the face of that which he has no control over and relentlessly optimistic. As his child, it’s wildly reassuring.
Countless times, he’s had an overly analytical child (and adult) pestering him with an endless stream of often insoluble questions only to reply, ‘let’s see how it goes’ or ‘no point thinking about that, there’s nothing you can do to change it.’ It’s part of his nature to accept the uncontrollable and roll with it. Yet, accepting what you can’t change doesn’t stop you from grabbing what you can with both hands and never looking back:
“I learnt from my dad when to give up and move on. I distinctly remember the day I out-ran him and he said, “Go on ahead…” We never ran together again but he was so hugely supportive of me in my rowing career. He also taught me to get involved: if he felt strongly about something he just did, got on with it. Dad was involved in my school as a governor; ran the summer fete; ran a local Sunday league football club, he would bring home the shirts for washing every week, darned the socks if they needed it: whatever it takes, if you care you can make it happen.”
Annamarie Phelps CBE, Chair British Horseracing Authority and former Olympic rower
If my dad were a surfer (which isn’t such a leap – he has long hair, likes far out rock music and open-topped cars that go as fast as possible), he’s the kind who might get knocked over by a hundred waves and still get up smiling, convinced the next one will be his.
He doesn’t care what people think about him, not because he’s without standards, but because he knows what’s important to him, he knows who he is and that’s that.
I count myself incredibly lucky that whatever happens in my life I have, and will have had, a rock-solid foundation in the form of unwavering love and loyalty from my parents. Like my dad, I do my best to do the right thing, but I know that if I fall down, I’ll always get picked back up again – and equally put back in my box if my ego becomes a terror! That unspoken, unfaltering confidence a dad can offer is both reassuring and empowering:
“My dad was a very reserved and quiet individual, (polar opposite of my mum!) so when he spoke up, I really listened. He encouraged me to look for the positives in any and all failures and to embrace them as growth and learning opportunities. Secondly, when faced with a tough decision, I should follow my gut instinct. This guidance has stayed with me to this day.”
Alistair Kirkwood, Managing Director, NFL UK
Everyone’s situation is different. Even in my immediate family, I have a grandfather who was orphaned at ten months old whose father figure was his own grandfather, a mum who was adopted into the arms of the best mum and dad anyone could ask for and an uncle who was fostered into that same loving family.
I also recognise that father figures can be found outside the home. There are no rules when it comes to love and support.
Father’s Day is about recognising those important relationships that influence us in ways that we may not even notice. For those of us lucky enough to have had a dad by our side, it’s a moment to reflect, remember and recognise everything they’ve given us.
The impact our parents have on us and our choices is a profound one. I could argue that the fact I find myself working in the sports industry and even writing this blog is down to my father. I don’t remember a time in my childhood when motorsport wasn’t on the television. I do remember his patience as I distracted him from the edge-of-your-seat action as I asked him streams of questions about who each driver was, what the rules were, what happens in the pits and on and on and on.
His passion for cars meant the first time I went around a racetrack was while my mum was pregnant with me. Weekends when I was 8, 9 and 10 years old were spent with my parents at club races at various circuits around the UK standing with my very own bright red stopwatch taking lap times at the track perimeter because I wasn’t old enough to go into the pits. It didn’t seem unusual in our house that when I had to talk about my favourite British sportsperson at school aged 12, I chose David Coulthard or that when I had to choose a topic of German cultural importance for my school leavers’ German speaking exams I chose Michael Schumacher. That was my normal.
The rest, as they say, is history. It’s led to a career that I love, which extends far beyond motorsport, but has fast roots; a career which without learning from my dad’s personality and passions, may have taken a very different course. Fathers can literally change our whole world and teach us to follow our dreams because nothing is impossible:
“My father emigrated from Egypt as a graduate engineering student to start a new life in America. He taught me the importance of seeking opportunity and fearlessly pursuing it – even on the other side of the world.”
Ahmad Nassar, Chief Executive Officer, OneTeam Partners, former President NFL Players Incorporation
For those of us lucky enough to have had dads to guide our moral compass and give us the tools to protect us through life’s storms, I would like to say on all of our behalves: Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Thank you for everything.
Katie Traxton is an ESA Board Director and Chief Communications Officer at Formula E. She was previously Managing Partner at WeAreFearless, ESA’s Pan-Europe Sponsorship Agency of the Year.